Appropriate behaviors for adult flirtation

by Sally Ketchum

Never too old, and a lot wiser…

February brings the chance of romance. So here goes the eternal romantic (and opinionated columnist) writing about flirtation, romance and…ah, perhaps more. Of course, I’m skipping the puppy love stuff, since most of us, Dear Readers, are mature and discriminating, coming from an age where chaperones of school dances actually had control over the kids and nine-year olds did not wear training underwear.

    Back then, in the age of innocence, I very much wanted to learn about the truths (and mechanics) of romance, and therefore I thought I was very lucky when I was able to get into a section of Soc. 60, the “sociology of marriage” at the University of Michigan.”  The classes were usually filled. Students called it Soc. Sex. Thus, I was terribly disappointed to find that the course was mostly statistics and percentages, and now the only two things I recall learning are, 1. The boy/gentleman’s mother typically causes the most trouble in a marriage, and 2. You are apt to marry someone in you own geographical area.  (I yearned for a New Jersey boy since my wild, eccentric and beloved aunt lived there. But, I only managed to get 17 miles away from home.)

    I have few qualifications to write about such stuff except some intriguing lessons from mythology (I’ve taught mythology at times), a fascination with the human comedy with respect to romance (been there, done that), and the fact that the boy I married after a much too long engagement and I now have passed the silver anniversary and are going for the gold.

    So, I plunge ahead with my tips for mature flirtation and possibilities:

Don’ts

… When eating out with the beloved (or possible one), don’t order spinach.

… Do not discuss religion, politics or other controversial subjects like credit card balances.

… Likewise, chiropractors, first spouses, and adult children are questionable subjects.

… Do not cross your legs and jiggle the foot of the top leg as if you are pumping up an air mattress.

… Don’t dismiss bad behavior. Nip things in the bud or walk away.

… Don’t alter you opinion to please your partner. Represent yourself honestly. If the relationship blooms, you don’t want to lose your true “self” in it to accommodate the other person.

… Don’t fake elegant expertise, e.g. sniffing a wine, eating with chopsticks, winding pasta around a spoon, managing fingerbowls (I know a fellow who picked up his soup spoon.), etc.

… MEN:  Don’t pat your stomach at the meal’s end; loosen your tie, if any; or keep your Packers hat on (even backwards) during a meal.

... WOMEN: Don’t repair make-up at the table, wear too much make-up, or make out in public.

…Don’t give insincere compliments. They’re sure to backfire. (“Are wearing that Pucci print again?”)

Do’s

… Get a good pair of jeans. They needn’t be designer jeans, but need to fit well, be free of strategic holes, and be clean. Jeans go with everything now. Women wear them with a bling top or sweater, and men can throw on a sport coat. (So say the fashion mavens.)

… Watch your posture. Crossed arms are a turn-off. If it’s cold, bring a sweater.

… Be a good listener. Your date will like it and you’ll get valuable clues to personalities

… If you must state an opinion, be honest, but state it gently.

… Control gesticulation. It does happen:  I know a lady who impaled her cheek with her fork, and I’ve knocked over a bottle of good wine.

… Sure, speed dating is in, but that doesn’t mean, “going too fast.”  Suggest rather than ask. Think before you speak. Look for a lead to follow. Keep expectations realistic.

… Suggest theme dates. For example, let’s go retro--get a soda or a banana split. Share a burger and a beer.  Let’s take a hike, take a camera on a walk, walk a dog, or window shop.

…Be sincere, look for sincerity.

Seven deadly sins

… Toothpicks in mouths

… Overpowering colognes, lotions and potions

… Unkempt hands

… Too much hands-on, too early

… Extended silence or the reverse, empty chatter

… Braggadocio

… Yawns and burps

Seven Sweet Virtues

… Show of sincere affection in speech

… Gentle touches, brushing hands, small

… Eye contact

… Smiles

… Allowing personal space

… Sincere interest in the other person

… Honesty

    Finally love is in the air in February, and in every other month, too.  Be kind, be open-minded, be yourself and look for it to come from unexpected places.  Live with love.