Kas Winters

"Mother of Family Ideas"

Rejection

by Don Grothe

Retired School Counselor

The pain of rejection is very real. We have all experienced, to some degree and in some situations, this most unpleasant emotion.  How we deal with this is a product of many factors. 

Most importantly is our own self-esteem. If we have a fairly good feeling about ourselves we can withstand more rejection and criticism than if our self-esteem is low. Another factor is the source of the rejection. If we are rejected by someone we really care about it is much more painful than by a stranger or someone we don’t particularly care for.  Another factor is why we are rejected. All of us have certain areas that are very sensitive and if the rejecter taps into one of these areas our reaction is magnified.  Sometimes the rejection is more of a joke, which can still hurt, or maybe it is unintended. In any case, we must analyze carefully the situation and our honest reactions to it. 

How we cope is then the question. If it is from a person or group of persons we really don’t care about we can shrug it off fairly easily.  An “If they like me I’d be worried” reaction. If the rejection is from someone that is important to us we need to confront them and express our concern, hurt, and anger. This should usually be done after a “cooling off” period of time so we can react calmly and logically. An approach such as “I was really hurt by the ‘such and such’ situation that happened yesterday” is a better approach than an accusatory one of “You really hurt me” which places the person on the defensive.

If the situation was not an oversight or unintended and the person actually did intend to reject you, you then have two options: You may reject the person and close the book on the relationship or try to rectify the situation by making amends and changing your behavior. This takes careful analysis and still may or may not be in your best interest.  One of the major causes of rejection is by people who themselves are insecure, needy and have low self-esteem.  You’re probably not going to be able to change them with any degree of success because their feelings have occurred over a long period of time. 

Another main reason for rejection is being different—different religion, race, color, socio-economic status, physical characteristics, or appearance. As the saying goes, “You only have one chance to make a first impression,” but this impression can and does change if you give yourself the opportunity of getting to know the person. Unfortunately, many people won’t do this.  So what’s the answer?  When rejection occurs analyze it honestly and attempt to determine the reasons, then decide if the situation can be changed.  If it can, is it worth it?  Then act accordingly. 

The Serenity Prayer says it all—give me the courage to change what I can change, the ability to accept what I can’t change and the wisdom to know the difference.

Click for Children's books that have helpful messages, by author, Don Grothe.

Parents can begin to foster family creativity in two simple ways: 1. Recognize it. Look for creative instincts in family members. 2. Name it. Label people's creative efforts to acknowledge and emphasize them. Say, "How inventive!" "Wow, great art!" "What imagination" "You're good at brainstorming." and so on. When our children were young, ages 5-11, we held weekly "Family Nights." The honor to choose the evening's activity rotated, and we enjoyed Monopoly nights, poker nights, some funny home movie nights. We thought we were clever parents. To our astonishment and great pleasure, however, the children's ideas clearly began to surpass ours. The kids chose such imaginative activities, our choices seemed bland. Consider: Animal Noise Night (age 7's): "I put animal names into a hat. Draw one, and go into the basement and make the animal's noise. The rest of us will guess." So there's mother, near the furnace, bellowing like a hippopotamus! Of all the nights, Invention Night (age 10's) was clearly the challenge. You guessed it! The kids' inventions, to hold up pants, to fasten papers together, to improve the fork, far outreached ours. This is an easy, free, creative activity. Try it!

You can warm-up your creativity just as a athlete warms-up his muscles. These activities include brainstorming and clustering. (How many uses for a soda can?), cause and effect chains (stayed up too late...was tired...skipped getting gas...car ran out...late for school), etc. All open-ended thinking is creative. There is a choice of methods for many assignments. Make the most of it. Warm-up. Brainstorm a list of ways to do the work, pick the most creative, and ask the teacher's permission. You may get points on a project before you even start. Many selective universities ask optional questions in their applications which involve creativity. There are intentional hidden challenges. Attempting these questions is wise. Again, you gain points before you start.

There are so many good ways to be smart. The best scholar is the one who works to be tops in several ways: Use your intelligence. Start the job, stick to it, and finish it. And also do the job creatively, using your imagination in all the ways you can--through ideas, art, interesting words, etc.

A Word to Young Students:

Don’t' worry whether or not you are truly great in art or music or story-telling. What is most important is to make a good effort (Try hard!); and, above all, enjoy the activity. If you have fun practicing, skills will come later! Isn't it surprising that having fun can lead to learning. What a fine deal!

Pre-schoolers need interaction with all aspects of their environment. Activities should include those that stimulate the senses. Water play with cups and buckets (ALL POOL AND BATH PLAY IS TOTALLY SUPERVISED, OF COURSE) and finger painting. Play in sand or soil (Toddlers love digging!), silly putty, and play dough satisfy the toddler's urge to handle interesting materials and experience texture. Sound play is also important. Provide toys that chime, ring, buzz and simple musical instruments. Playthings should also promote physical and emotional growth. Physical activity equipment (such as jungle gyms and swings, etc.) develop muscles and self confidence. Books, along with puppets (especially hand puppets), costume/dress-up collections, and simple theaters for role-playing, encourage language development and imagination. Large boxes make playing store or office or veterinarian possible.

For preschoolers, keep materials simple and activity time short enough to sustain interest. Youngsters like to and need to paint. Cheap paper is fine, and many youngsters even like to paint on old newspapers. A large, sturdy easel (two pieces of plywood, hinged?) is a boon. Sometimes suggest familiar subjects and stories to draw and paint; other times let children experiment without suggestions. Large surface areas accommodate a young child's large motor skills. Hold off on the smaller, quality paper sketch pads until the youngster's fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination are more developed. The expressive impulse subsides if constrained too much.

Super Student/Happy Kid

MORE ARTICLES about Children and Learning

 by Kas Winters

Whenever children are playing, working or doing anything at all, they need to be supervised. Adjust any activities to the age and abilities of the child. Pay attention to the materials, tools and location of the activity. Put thought into safety before the fun begins. If there's one thing I've learned from years of overseeing children's activities, it's that there's always something that a child will think to try that never occurred to me. So the key is to make things as safe as possible and then watch them the entire time.